


never a tear, baby of mine

by fullmetallizard



Category: Fullmetal Alchemist: Brotherhood & Manga
Genre: Childbirth, F/M, Stillbirth
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-10-14
Updated: 2015-10-14
Packaged: 2018-04-26 08:17:52
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,200
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4997491
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/fullmetallizard/pseuds/fullmetallizard
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>FMA does not belong to me, as much as it pains me to say so.</p>
    </blockquote>





	never a tear, baby of mine

**Author's Note:**

> FMA does not belong to me, as much as it pains me to say so.

Al was in the living room, trying to convince two year old Lily to eat her food instead of handing it to him when he heard his wife. “Alphonse?” May called out.

“Yes?” He called back.

“Could you come to the bathroom, please?”

Al decided that attempting to feed Lily was a futile effort and picked her up, sticking her in her playpen before walking to the bathroom, where his pregnant wife was waiting.

“What is it, May? Do you…” He trailed off after one look at her face. Her black eyes looked almost…blank and her face was ashen. She was sitting on the floor beside the tub with a robe on. In a pool of blood.

“What’s happening?” He asked. He used his knowledge of the Dragon’s pose to feel out May’s qi. He could feel her life force, but it was churning and scared. He focused on where he could usually feel the flickers and tiny light of the baby’s qi and felt…nothing.

“I know you can tell too,” she whispered. “I can feel. The baby’s not moving at all either.”

“We should get Winry.”

“I’m having contractions. My body wants the baby out. I-” her thin shoulders started to shake. He knelt down beside her, feeling blood soak through his pants. He put an arm around her.

“It’ll be okay, May. Maybe Winry knows something we don’t. Maybe-”

“Just go get her.”

Their new house in Resembool was only about a ten minute walk away from Ed and Winry. Al made it there in about three. He banged on the door.

“Careful, all three kids just went down for a nap and- hey, what’s wrong?”

“Is Winry here?” Al felt the rush of panic, hot and nauseating, in his throat.

“She’s in the workshop. What’s going on?”

“May’s…in labor.”

“It’s a month too early, right? Is that…Al, is that blood?” Ed asked, looking down at the knees of Al’s pants. He seemed to understand then that something was not right. He went and got Winry.

“Hey, Al. May’s in labor?” Winry walked up to the door and smiled, wiping her hands with a rag.

“Sort of. We need you.”

Winry’s brows crinkled in confusion. “Okay. Let me change and wash this oil off my hands.” She turned and went up the stairs.

“I’m gonna wake up the kids and we’ll be there in a few minutes.”

“You don’t have to, Brother.”

“Yes, I do. I’ll watch Lily. Go ahead and get back to May.”

He didn’t have to be told twice. He ran back to the house. Lily was snoozing in her play pen. He checked the bathroom. May wasn’t in there and had cleaned up most of the blood. He walked to their bedroom. She was on her side, curled around her belly. Blood had spread from her onto their white sheets.

“Winry’s on the way.”

She looked up, sweat covering her forehead. “The contractions are really strong. But they feel different from Lily.” He got on his side of the bed.

They sat in silence after that until Winry came into the room. “Kinda early for baby to make an appearance, don’t you think?” She smiled. Then she saw the blood. Her face changed completely. “How long have you been bleeding?”

“Maybe twenty minutes.”

“Are you having contractions?” Her voice was soft.

“Yes.”

“Has the baby moved in the last few hours?”

May shook her head. “I thought maybe they’d fallen asleep but when I started running a bath I felt the life force fade. And the pain started.”

Al felt sick. He kept feeling for the baby in his mind but could feel nothing. He was holding out hope that Winry would be able to fix it once the baby was actually out.

“Let me check you,” Winry said, pulling on some gloves.

May had changed into one of Al’s shirts and she was swimming in it. She grimaced as Winry felt.

“You’re actually almost ready. You’re probably going to go into transitional labor at any minute. I can give you something for the pain. It’ll be better than just alkahestry alone.”

“Pain medication? No,” Al said. Blue and black eyes looked at him quizzically. “That could…hurt the baby.”

“Al,” Winry said, a tear slipping down her cheek, “that’s not a concern right now. If we can relieve some of May’s physical pain, we should. I have some at the workshop. I’ll have Ed go get it.”

Winry left the room. Al felt cold and confused. “Maybe we could call Dr. Marcoh. He might be able to help. Or when the baby’s here we could combine our alkahestry and-”

“Honey, there’s nothing to do. You know when there’s no life force, when there’s no energy flowing, that that’s it.” She sounded calm, but there was pain in her words.

“But-” His sentence was cut off when May’s face twisted and a little moan escaped her lips. Al gripped her small hand in his.

“Where’s Lily?” She gasped out once the pain stopped.

“Downstairs. My brother’s here with the kids.”

“Okay. Good. I…” a new contraction hit almost immediately. Winry was right about transitional labor starting soon. “This part is the worst,” May sobbed out.

Winry came in with a bag of some sort of fluid. She stuck the needle in the crook of May’s elbow and then resumed her spot by her feet.

“You’ll be able to push soon but not yet. Don’t push, okay? I know it’s hard. Al why don’t you move behind her and rub her back?”

He did, positioning May between his legs. After about an hour, contractions were lasting over a minute and May was shaking so hard it scared him. He was doing as much alkahestry as he could. They discovered with Lily that if you used too much, pushing became too difficult.

“Winry, I’m going to throw up.”

She’d never thrown up while in labor with Lily. She had been in pain, obviously, but had still been excited. The energy in the room was the polar opposite of that. May was dulled out and suffering. Al thought of the word _agony_ and it seemed fitting. Winry held a trash bin up to May’s face and she puked up the tea she’d had earlier.

“You’re ready to push,” Winry reported after feeling.

May held her breath and bore down with the next contraction. She released a string of Xingese curse words.

She only pushed about eight times when the baby, silent, slipped out between her legs.

“It’s a girl,” Winry said, so softly. She started to clean her off.

“A girl.” May sounded wrong.

“Do something, Winry! Get her to start crying! You have to help her,” Al begged.

“I can’t do anything, Al,” Winry said, handing the tiny bundle to May. “She’s been gone for a while.”

“Let me see her, we can do some alkahestry, we can…”

“We can’t do anything. We’re not all-powerful. There are things outside of our control, Alphonse. You know that better than anyone,” May said, quietly. She was smoothing down the baby’s black hair, stroking her little cheek.

“I’ll leave you three alone,” Winry said once the afterbirth had passed. Winry gathered up everything and closed the door, letting the new parents spend some time alone with their still but beautiful baby.

The urgency drained from Al’s body, making him feel deflated. The hope was gone, leaving him with an aching chest “What do I do?”

“You love her right now. While we can,” she said sadly, handing Al his daughter.

He looked into her face, filled with love and with horror. “But…she’s warm,” he said, tears slipping out as he ran a finger down the baby’s small nose.

“She’s warm from my body, Alphonse.”

He moved from behind May to lie beside her. He held their daughter in his right arm and wrapped his left around his wife. She laid her cheek on his chest, crying softly.

“I want there to be someone to blame,” he admitted.

“Life’s not that simple, love.”

He understood completely why Izumi Curtis gave her insides to see her child just one more time. Al felt hollow. Emptier than when his soul echoed through the walls of his armor.

“Why did it happen? Are you…are you sick?”

“No. And the cord wasn’t tangled either. It just…happened. That’s how it usually is with…with a stillbirth.”

Hearing the word made him nauseous.

“I think I need some air.”

She stared at him, brows furrowed. “All right. But come back soon, okay?”

He handed the baby back to May and all but ran out to his backyard.

He keeled over, vomiting onto the grass. He sat back, chest heaving.

“Hey,” he heard from behind him. He didn’t turn. He could hear that it was Ed. “How’s May?”

“She’s calm. I think it’s still surreal to her.”

“I’m so sorry, Al. I don’t know how this could happen. Especially to you.”

“She’s so small, brother.”

“Another girl, huh?”

“Yeah.”

“I can’t imagine what you’re going through.”

He looked back, suddenly angry. “No. You can’t. You have healthy children and you have no right to come out here like you can offer comfort!”

Ed didn’t even flinch. He sat down where he was and after a long pause, Al joined him. “We’ve been through some painful shit before. I’m not going to let you deal with this on your own. You won’t be able to handle it and your wife and daughter will suffer because of it.”

Al didn’t answer but knew he was right. A sob burst from him before he knew what was happening. “I’d lose my body again in a second for her,” he said.

Ed put his arm around him and let Al cry himself out. “I think you need to hold Lily.”

Al found that he was afraid, though he didn’t know why. He let Ed lift him up and walked towards the house.

“Daddy!” Lily cooed from Winry’s lap.

“Hi, Lily. I’m here.” He reached his arms out for her and held her close. He could feel her tiny heartbeat, feel the warmth of her hair against his cheek, see the pink in her cheeks and she was so alive and so miraculous that Al almost lost his footing.

“I think I’ll bring her up to see May,” he told his family. Winry had a hand over her eyes, crying as she held Sara to her. Ben was asleep across the couch and Ed had baby Nina on his shoulder.

He climbed the stairs, planting kisses on Lily’s head. He stopped at the door frame. May was sitting cross legged on new sheets with her lips on the baby’s forehead, crying. Tears dripped onto the baby’s face.

He crossed the room and sat on the bed. “Can I have her?” He asked. May didn’t answer, tears still falling down her face but she handed the bundle to Al and then took Lily into her arms.

“Hi, Mama.”

“Hi, my Liling,” she said, using the girl’s full Xingese name. “I love you.”

“Mama cryin’?”

“It’s okay, baby. It’s okay.”

Al watched his wife and daughter together for a few moments and then looked down at his new baby. She looked like she could have been sleeping.

“You did such a great job, May. I know you must be tired,” Al said quietly. Lily was starting to nod off in between them.

May lip quivered. “Thank you, Alphonse. I am tired. But I want to stay up.”

They didn’t say anything. Al laid the baby on her back and put a hand on her cool chest. “I’m thinking Zhen. For her name,” he finally said.

“Precious,” she murmured, saying the name’s meaning. “She is, isn’t she? And loved too.”

Ed came in with a camera. Al said no at first but May said one day Zhen’s face wouldn’t be easy to remember and he agreed.

They slept with both kids in the bed. The next day, Zhen was buried close to his parents. “What now?” Al asked after he and Ed finished with the grave.

“You move forward. It’s not going to be easy, Brother. But I know you can.”

And it wasn’t easy. Al cried for hours that night. Lily could sense that something was wrong with her parents and was fussy as a result. Winry came to get Lily for the night to give Al and May some privacy and it made May panic to see her child go. After about a week, May’s milk came in and she sobbed from the physical and mental pain for the entire day.

Despite this, the hurt slowly became more manageable. They started cooking again, instead of Winry coming over every morning to cook their meals for the day. They took Lily for walks and soon found that they could laugh when she was acting silly. After a few months, their chests gradually felt lighter.

When May found out she was pregnant, Al sobbed. But eventually, he felt happy and at peace with it. He and May had survived before.

He knew they could pick up the pieces.

**Author's Note:**

> Comments are really appreciated! If you're willing, I'd like to hear what you like and didn't like. I love you for reading!


End file.
